When I Fall

Silhouette Angel _{(Credit: Josiah Pugh)}

One who dances with death always receives strange looks.
They spoke of me in whispered tones when I could hear,
Reverence and awe matched by derision and confusion.
I was far too daring compared to their droll lives.
They wanted to witness me, be me, or never see me again.

They never knew my reasons. 
Chalked it up to the thrill of danger,
The desire to live life on the knife’s edge,
Passive suicidal ideation with a spectacular flair. 
Armchair psychologists never came close,
Neither did the licensed ones for that matter.

Albeit, the crushing forces of gravity on a tight turn,
Or paragliding through sea columns,
Or free climbing half a mile in desert heat
Give me an intoxicating high like no other.
Still, they never grasped the true fuel to my fire.

It was always for her.

One near miss on a routine morning commute,
And a passenger beyond compare appeared beside me. 
Warm eyes and treasure for hair, 
And a soulful sorrow when she cautioned me,
As though she had seen too many boys in early graves.

She appeared again at the lake,
An errant current threatened to drag me under.
A soft hand lifted me up out of the water,
She was cloaked in ivory and sunlight,
And I swore I caught the hints of a smile.

My first solo flight saw mechanical errors,
Quick thinking and careful gliding laid me down in a field.
My beloved waited for me to stumble from the twisted metal,
To throw tender arms around my neck and bury her face in my chest,
Extolling me to never trust that mechanic again.

And when I sailed through stormy seas,
She never left my side.
My first mate chastising my choice of route,
Even as her eyes betrayed her enchantment. 
I was safe. I would always be safe with her.

We’re both bound by the rules forced upon us,
But even celestials can find loopholes. 
The divine cannot stop two souls finding a way,
Even if it means we discard our apportioned roles
To rewrite the nature of the universe to better fit our desires.

Icarus didn’t fly too close to the sun from hubris,
He did it for love,
One moment on his wings to kiss his darling.
And if he lived the way I have lived,
I am certain he felt it was worth it as he tumbled to the earth.
Love makes one give themselves freely to the cruel mercy of fate.

She has eternity, but I only have right now. 
Every second of mine spent risking my life
Is an eternity spent with my reason to be alive.
I live barely hanging onto the bleeding edge,
Knowing she’ll always catch me when I fall.