Meaningful Matter

Reconnection V _{(Credit: SalmonickAtelier on DeviantArt)}

I wish I had studied something which mattered.
I wish my brain were wired for numbers rather than words,
That I could learn to unravel the secrets of the universe,
To make the ground shake,
To answer the mysteries of the stars in the night sky,
To change the way the world works.

I wish that I had the ambition to conquer the world.
I wish I had the ego and determination of great men.
Sadly, I am doomed to be merely a good man,
At constant war with myself,
Too reliant on conscience and empathy
To make the harsh choices, unconcerned with minor things.
Two voices in my head dissolve the necessary conviction.

I will never unlock interstellar travel, 
Nor will I build a Great Society,
I will never be able to rush into fire to save those in danger.
I am a mere side note in the stories of others,
But their epics are my raison d’être.
I kiss their flaws and praise their talents,
So that they may march forth and change the world.
My blessing and curse are the wellspring in my chest,
Always offering for others, never to sate myself.
Not every healer in the world needs a fancy title,
Sometimes just “friend” is enough.

Though I still wish I could be one to live and die in the limelight,
To put myself on the line to further a great cause,
To place my ego ahead of their feelings.
Had I been half the man I hoped I could be,
I would have my face on magazines,
And chisel my name into the bedrock of history.

Alas, I am too unimportant to ever be meaningful.
There will be no parades in my honor,
And the only words inked about me in my own hand.
I wish my brain were wired for numbers instead of words,
Then maybe I could be someone who mattered.